are you so shy because you have an std?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize