watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
