Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
