Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
