I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize
