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Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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