wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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