Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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