YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize