Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
