I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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