I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
