remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
