my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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