I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
