Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
even my farts smell like vagina
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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