I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
