i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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