you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize