i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
