so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
