I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
