You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
