It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
