So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
