If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
