I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
