I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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