I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
