There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
