I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
