well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
