I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
