Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
