Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
