took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
