I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
