I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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