When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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