I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
