Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
