So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
as a side note pls kill me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
