oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize