I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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