Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
