She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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