found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
