I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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