apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize