This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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