Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize