my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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