I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We had sex on a dog bed..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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