I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
