There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize