I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
