i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
