you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
