Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
