Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
