True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
